Should I Call Him?

I didn't write this...I just like it. So, here you go!

I've done it myself. I've called a guy after a great date. Is that so wrong? Actually, most of the time it might be. Complicated isn't it, this world of communications between men and women. How about texting? Is that ok? What about calling after a certain amount of time. Is that ok? Is it impossible to figure this all out? Are you doomed to being powerless? Absolutely not!

There are some basic rules and information that can help you make the right moves and keep the worry monster away.

1. If he calls and you aren't available, return the call. It's polite, it's friendly and it's the right thing to do. If you like him, this may be his time to ask you out and if you wait too long, he may think you are not interested. If you aren't interested, call him anyway. It's the right thing to do and at some point you have to learn to do the hard things in life such as telling a nice guy, "I like you , and thanks for asking me out again, but I didn't feel we had enough in common to move on to a second date."

2. You had a great date and he isn't calling. Should you call him the next day and thank him? NO! I hope you thanked him on the night of the date. Now, you wait.

3. Why are there rules? Why is a man the one who should call after a date? Hasn't the world changed? Yes, of course the world has changed in many wonderful ways for men and women. But calling after a date isn't one of them - and that's not a bad thing. Every game has rules and the dating game is no different. Play by the rules and everyone is comfortable. That's why you don't see people in restaurants standing on tables and yelling - the rules of eating out require you not act like that. They also require using utensils properly and speaking in a quiet tone of voice. The world runs smoother this way.

And the same is true of communications between men and women. Is it fair? Actually, yes. Rules allow you to know where you stand in the game of dating. If he doesn't call you after a date, you know he doesn't want to go out again. At least not now. Ok, that's a bummer - but it frees you up to move on to the one who can't wait to call you and see you again after a date.

Men are different! They like the thrill of the chase. Let him chase you until you catch him!

Communications are critical - we all have to talk or send signals or we won't know what to do and what is going on. But understanding some basic psychology of gender differences can make it or break it in the dating game.

If you really need to talk about "the night before" - call a friend. Tell her the good, the bad, and the ugly. And then, go play a game of tennis or do some work, or call another friend. Go have a life - the more you do that, the less you will care if he calls, and the happier you will be whether he does or not. Life is not lived on the cell (not completely anyway!). So go do something and see how interesting you are to him when he calls and you are out doing something!

'Tis the season...for a "Plus One"

'Tis the season for cocktails, festivals, get-togethers, soirees, and parties. So far, every invitation I've received this holiday season has included the dreaded "Plus One." I'm sure I can ask around and find some fine, outstanding gentlemen who will attend these functions with me. But I think that it sure would be nice to not have to ask around...it would be nice to know who the frig that "Plus One" person is, all of the time.

Because I'm feeling blah and bah humbug-ish today, here's a quote from Neil Gaiman:
“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

Blah, blah, blah...I think I may swing by the mall and buy myself some Godiva. Chocolate truffles ALWAYS make a lady feel better! Or, better yet, I could buy some new shoes... :)

Back to Blogging - with a twist!

The blog is back, with a twist! I'm trying to move away from my own personal dating stories, and towards something a little more engaging that others can be involved in (if they want). You'll still get to read about some of my own dating experiences, but also "Ask Ash" (Q & A), "Today's Lesson" (dating advice, what I've learned, etc.), "You Tell Me" (I ask my friends about their own dating experiences), "What's Hip 'n Happening" (where to go, what to do, what to wear), "Quote of the Day", humor, and more. TONS of STUFF!

Of course, I am still following the 4 Man Plan. I've met some really nice guys over the last couple of months, and a few duds along the way. But it's okay - it's all part of the plan.

If you are unfamiliar with the 4MP, here's how it goes (Check out The Four Man Plan by Cindy Lu):
"The Four Man Plan teaches you the basics of love as they should have been taught in school. The only requirement is a desire to take charge of your love life and doing something about it.

The point of the plan is to make sure you give yourself the best chance of meeting Mr Right. It’s like a 21st-century dance card – and your aim is to keep it full.

Your mission is to meet as many men as possible, and then see which of them are worth taking more seriously. Any man who shows an interest in you, or any man that you are interested in, basically any man that you exchange an email address or phone # with, starts off as a Quarter Man. You know his name, single status, and a way to contact each other. Go out and casually collect your Quarter Men like you collect quarters. When you see one that is unclaimed, pick it up. When you lose one in the soda machine, kick it to see if it will spit out a different one. Quarter Men are everywhere. Keep a few in your pocket. They are no big deal.

This plan is not about being aloof. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO MAKE FIRST CONTACT. If you dig him and you want to call, call once. If you do not dig him, give him your number anyway and wait for him to call you. A man loses his Quarter Man status if he doesn't contact you for two weeks. He may be reassigned as a Quarter Man if he contacts you later - if you have room on your dance card.

A man remains a Quarter Man until he is promoted or demoted.

How Men Get Promoted - 1. After at least one date you tell him that you are seeing other men (1/2 man) 2. You let him feel your boobies (Whole Man) 3. You let him hide his salami (Two and a 1/4 Man)

How Men Get Demoted - 1. They give you the ickies - Use your intuition. Ickies include a) The very specific feeling where they make you feel bad about yourself somehow. b) They manage to treat you like crap and then make you feel guilty about it. c) They clearly are not honest, loving, or willing. d) Generation Gap (+/- 15 years) e) They make you fear for your safety. 2. They drop out on their own. You cannot pursue a drop out man except the two-date minimum phone call. A 4MPlanner doesn't chase, does not beg, does not stalk. There just isn't time or energy to waste. There are lots of available men out there. 3. They are squeezed out of the plan for lack of space. 4. You sleep with __ (a)__, then you meet __(b)__, and oops! you sleep with him too. You must demote ___(a)___, as you are only allowed to sleep with one man at a time. 5. They are ineligible (married, engaged, dating someone else)."

Ask Ashley

Q. "My date was totally not my type. He wants to go out again. Do I have to go?"
A. Yes. You ALWAYS accept the second date. Even if you don't want to go. Why? According to the 4 Man Plan, you must follow the two-date minimum. Some of the most HONEST, LOVING, and WILLING men make a terrible first impression. On first dates, people are often nervous or playing it safe. So, buck up and accept the fact that if you are going on a first date, you are going on a second date whether you like him or not.

Today's Lesson

A few pointers from my all time favorite book, "He's Just Not That Into You" - These do not necessarily apply to your Quarter Men, but they do apply to 1/2 Men, Whole Men, and 2 1/4 Men...

1. Men don't forget how much they like you. So put down the phone.

2. If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.

3. If he's not calling you, it's because you are not on his mind.

4. If he creates expectations for you, and then doesn't follow through on little things, he will do the same for big things. Be aware of this and realize that he's okay with disappointing you.

5. "Busy" is another word for "asshole." "Asshole" is another word for the guy you're dating. You deserve a fucking phone call.

6. There's a guy out there who will want to tell everyone that he's your boyfriend. Quit fucking around and go find him.

7. If you're tempted to spend countless nights just cuddling with someone, buy a puppy.

8. There is no excuse for cheating. Let me say it again. There is no excuse for cheating. Now you say it. There is no excuse for cheating. A cheater only cheats himself, because he doesn't get to be with you.

9. There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.

10. No answer is your answer.

11. Unless he is all yours, he's still hers.

12. You already have one asshole. You don't need another.

You Tell Me

"What is the most romatic thing anyone has ever said to you?" I'll start with myself...since I haven't had the chance to ask any of my friends about this yet. (Hey! Give me a break! This is new!) An ex once wrote the following to me...(well, he sent it in a text, but still...):

"How's this to clear things up: I can't get you out of my mind. I keep running my phone battery down looking at your pictures. I miss the way you smell. I'm glad I'm driving back towards you. And isn't it funny how when you least expect it, life surprises you with exactly what you need?"

Wow, that's pretty good stuff. (I wonder what he is up to nowadays!)

What's Hip 'n Happening?

Friday, December 4 - Saturday, December 5. Five Points Festivus. Celebrate the Holiday season in true Five Points style this year during "Five Points Festivus". From traditional holiday cheer to fun Festivus events, this is the place to be on December 4 & 5, 2009! From the Airing of Grievances Tour to the Feats of Strength - Festivus 2009 will be a great event! Who else could pull off a Festivus? "It's a Festivus Miracle!" Visit Five Points for additional information.

Through Sunday, December 6. The Junior League of Columbia's 24th Annual Holiday Market. 'Tis the Season to Shop 'til you drop. With over 90 merchants, you are sure to find the perfect gifts for friends and family this holiday season. Mark your calendars because there are a few new additions to help make this year's Holiday Market even more special and exciting than ever before! Visit the Junior League of Columbia for more information.

Thursday, December 10. 'The Boykin Spaniel' Book Signing! Just in time for the Holidays, Ed's Editions is hosting a book signing with Mike Creel and Lynn Kelley for the re-issue of 'The Boykin Spaniel' from 3:30-5:30 pm.. This is the 1st of only two signings that will take place in Columbia so you don't want to miss the opportunity to get your hands on a great gift! After you get your copy signed, make your way around the store because the Annual Christmas Sale will be going on! Receive 25% off inventory from December 8th-12th! Ed's Editions is located at 406 Meeting Street in West Columbia. Call 803-791-8002 or visit Ed's Editions for more information.

Opening Friday, December 4. RENT. Trustus Theatre proudly presents this performance that follows a group of impoverished young artists and musicians who struggle to survive and create in New York's Lower East Side in the thriving days of Bohemian Alphabet City, under the shadow of AIDS. RENT runs through December 13 as well as January 7-23. Visit Trustus Theatre for more information.

Cantina 76 - I had lunch at Cantina 76 for the first time earlier this week. Deee-lish! Check them out! Now open for lunch and dinner. Serving a taqueria based menu in a lively atmosphere.
2901-A Devine Street Columbia, SC, 29205
Phone:
803-708-6004
Mon - Fri:
11:30 am - 3:00 pm 5:00 pm - 10:00 pm
Sat:
11:30 am - 10:00 pm
Sun:
12:00 am - 10:00 pm

Quote of the Day

You set yourself up for happiness or you set yourself up for sadness. Either way, it’s your doing. - Girls' Poker Night

Horoscopes for Saturday, Dec 5

Aries
March 21-April 19
It might not be obvious to you at first today, but there are ample opportunities around you. Look about, because it'll be up to you to search them out.

Taurus
April 20-May 20
Depending upon just how you attempt to get your points across today will depend upon whether they're well received or not. You might make your case, but create an enemy in the process.

Gemini
May 21-June 21
Unless you're careful today a friend or an associate could drag you down a path where you might suffer a financial loss of some kind. Don't blindly follow your pals.

Cancer
June 22-July 22
Be particularly careful with whom you pal around today. The wrong types could draw you into a situation not of your making, but for which you can be held accountable.

Leo
July 23-August 22
Do what is asked of you, and then butt out. Only virtuous intentions will stand up under today's aspects, so be honest with yourself as to what your true motives are when you go after something that affects others.

Virgo
August 23-September 22
In the days ahead you could be exposed to a spate of unusual opportunities that could better your lot in life. If you don't take advantage of at least one of them, it'll be your own fault.

Libra
September 23-October 22
Someone with whom you'll be involved at work or with your career could come up with an ingenious idea today that would involve you. It might have a few flaws, but they can be corrected.

Scorpio
October 23 - November 21
Today could be a fun, social day for you, so long as you don't impose yourself on anyone you know on a purely social basis to grant you favors businesswise. Keep the two separate.

Sagittarius
November 22-December 21
Some kind of matter you had considered to be overwhelming might prove to be less intimidating today. However, don't become overconfident either.

Capricorn
December 22-January 19
When the going gets tough, the touch gets going is the old saying, and that's exactly what you'll do today. Trouble is, you could throw away all that you've gained on someone undeserving.

Aquarius
January 20-February 18
Doing things independently of others will yield you greater luck today than when you attempt to work in tandem. Try to involve yourself in the former as much as possible.

Pisces
February 19-March 20
Where you can be right on target today will be with issues that deal with the home, family and security. However, if you try to incorporate hunches, it'll draw you off course.

Happy Dating! Muah! Ash